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December 3, 2008 |
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Hope y'all had a great
Thanksgiving. On to Christmas ... bah, humbug. Sorry. I'm not fond of the
holidays. Mayhap one day I'll explain. Don't forget to catch my column, "Gotta Get It" in the Christian Fiction Online magazine's December issue, now up at: http://www.christianfictiononlinemagazine.com under "BUZZ." The buzzword for December is "Marketable."
Yes, I've come out of the closet.
I'm admitting what some knew. I'm a
charter member of the vast, right-wing conspiracy. I'm the secret love
child of Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter. On last week's blog, we covered
Mr. Obama's first broken promise, today we cover broken promises two and
three. I'd love to move on to another topic, and I will as soon as Mr.
Lincol-oops, Mr. Obama, keeps his word. Actually, next week's discussion
will be on "Bailouts," and I'll also discuss how and why I'm praying for
Mr. Obama, and his success. [Yeah, really.]
I know I promised to
write, The Green Machine's on
Fire!, but I changed my mind. If my life didn't mirror Seinfeld meets I Love Lucy, I could get to my
backlog. BLACK FRIDAY Ah, yes. The day
that strikes fear into the hearts of the stoutest man, and that every
woman readies for. The day after Thanksgiving. GIGANTIC This year, tragedy
struck. At a Wal Mart on Unbelievable. I
wanted to get a set of 500-thread count Egyptian cotton sheets for twenty
bucks too, but I wasn't willing to kill for 'em. I'm sure more crazed
shoppers committed heinous acts, but on to my
day. I was ready. Wallet
in one hand, lists in another. First list: the master plan-the most
efficient route to the stores I wanted to visit. Second list: what items I
needed to buy at each store, including question marks. Oh, those are next
to the stuff I might not find at store one, so I might haveta check stores
three and six. Didn't wanna duplicate my purchases. Yeah, you'd think I'd
remember what I'd just bought, but on Black Friday, it's a whole different
ballgame. I hopped into my
minivan, the Silver Bullet, all gassed up and ready to go. [The Silver Bullet, not me. I'd
already gone.] It takes approximately 30 minutes to get down the
mountain, then another ten to hit the heart of a real city. Since the city is
expanding, it only took 35 minutes to reach my first destination:
OfficeMax. I'm toolin' around
in the parking lot, [I love to
shop in this center, as it's new, and even the bank has no lines.] and
I see a great spot, third in the row. Actually, there weren't any cars in
the entire row, but I opted for the third slot. I eased on the brake, and
cranked the wheel, then disaster struck. Literally. When a minivan plays
chicken with a big block of concrete, the concrete usually wins. Okay, it
always wins. My foot [encased in a
beautiful rust-colored leather boot, equipped with my invention:
Bootleggers] slipped off the brake and I lurched forward. I lurched
forward, and my foot punched the gas pedal. SLAM! [And we ain't talkin' hoops here.]
This wonderful new parking lot didn't have the plain old iron
light-posts; they'd installed a huge circle of concrete around each of
theirs. The Silver Bullet
smashed into the one to my left, and that's all she wrote. At least the
airbag didn't go off, so my masterful makeup job didn't smear. [The older I get, the more masterful
I become. Not braggin', I gotta work harder out of necessity.]
A man and his
teen-aged son ambled over. I rolled down the window, shrugged, and said,
"Black Friday." He nodded. I asked him how bad it looked. From his
expression, I gathered: D.O.A. I patted the dashboard and apologized. [Really.] No! Not my Silver
Bullet, champion of champions ... able to leap small berms in a single
bound. Sigh. I dragged myself from the driver's seat, eyes closed. [Yes, I can. There's no end to my
talents.] Lids up, I gasped. I'd crushed her. I shook my head. After
assuring the good Samaritan I was fine [I'm tougher than a German Tiger
tank. They whomped our I called my hubby [he's such a sweet man]. He said
he'd climb in his truck [the same
4x4 the Silver Bullet trounced in the snowstorm-see the newsletter
archives for Silver Bullet Slams
Snow.] While I waited, my
head felt like I'd just slammed into a solid block of concrete. So, I
reached for my emergency supply of Motrin. But wait. I couldn't swallow
those suckers on an empty stomach. I headed into OfficeMax to grab clear
and white tape for my label-maker [an indispensible tool for the
organized gal] and grabbed a When the hubby [he's such a sweet man] arrived,
he pounded on the wheel well to push it back from the tire, then sawed
away a piece of plastic, and I managed to drive to the shop with limited
steering. End of story? Mayhap
for a normal person, but not
for the Lucy Ricardo of the 21st Century. My hubby [he's such a sweet man] escorted
me to my favorite stores, where I relieved my wallet of hundred dollar
bills, thus drowning my sorrows. Yep, I shop with cash. Told y'all I'm
half-man. [The good
half.] Michaela [Headstrong, but brilliant
child-wonder where she got those traits....] wanted her friend to
spend the night. No problemo. My hubby [he's such a sweet man] grabbed
the kid and took off. I'm at the keyboard [where else] workin' away when I
get a call. The clutch went out on the truck, which now sat in the middle
of the street. The glove
compartment [Kind of a misnomer.
Do you keep gloves in yours?] of my Silver Bullet sports a mini
Maglite, assorted sizes of Band Aides, and matches in a waterproof
container. John's truck has ... nothin'-although the floor is littered
with empty Starbucks cups; bottles of water, some full, some half-full,
some drained; crumpled Taco Bell burrito wrappers [a nice goldenrod shade]; and other miscellaneous items
including, but not limited to: pens, mini-containers of hand sanitizer [which he hasta paw through trash to
get at], and mail from three years ago. No flares, no reflector cones.
[He collects them. We have a huge
stack in our garage to ward away mice.] So, he had to stand in the
middle of the dark street and wave traffic
away. He called to let me
know AAA classified him "top priority" because his truck stalled in a
dangerous place and two young ladies were sittin' on the side of the road.
Fifteen to twenty minutes-tops. Hmm. Forty-five minutes later, I get
another call. It appeared the tow truck driver actually had a valid reason
for not arriving promptly. Someone in front of him mowed down a cow, which
now blocked the highway. Grrr. I wanted my family home. Don't get me
wrong; I feel for the cow. I love cows as much as the next person,
especially when they're on my plate. Oh, don't get your pleather in a
wrinkle; I'm a member of PITA [People Eating Tasty
Animals]. They finally made
it. We waited until Monday morning for the tow truck driver to come haul
the truck away and drop off my hubby [he's such a sweet man] to pick
up a rent-a-truck. I just got word my
Silver Bullet will never fly again. I'm crying. [Really.] That minivan symbolized
a testament of my faith. We made it up a steep hill in the snow, no
chains, passing John's 4x4 where it, and he, gave up. Now I haveta shop
for a replacement [as if ]. I'll tell ya, since I
haveta go down that road, I'll find a car lot sans
concrete. Welcome to my Worlds
(Hadta add the 's'
cuz someone already locked up welcometomyworld.com, and since
the second part of my title is: A
Bipolar Christian Tells All, it fits. Ya
think?)
Janet Dean's inspirational historical
manuscript, One Wife: Sealed and
Delivered. Elizabeth Manning
had one rational option: Run. If she stayed in
Sold to Tina Columbo
at Steeple Hill Historicals for an early 2010 release.
Terry Odell places twice in the 2008 LAUREL
WREATH Contest [Boo-Yah, Terry!
You're a double threat. J] Romantic Suspense
Category Today is BLACK WEDNESDAY. Writers, if you
have a contract, fall on your knees and thank God. If you don't, fall on
your knees and pray to God. Our industry needs a heap of
prayers. Thomas
Nelson Cuts 54 Positions By
Rachel Deahl -- Publishers Weekly In
a statement on his blog Tuesday
night, Thomas Nelson CEO Michael Hyatt announced that the Christian
publishing house has laid off 54 employees, or 10% of its workforce.
The entry, dubbed "The Recession Hits Home," explained that the cuts,
which take effect on Friday, affect almost all departments
and were necessary because of the slumping
economy. This round
of layoffs is the second Thomas Nelson has recently endured, as Hyatt
noted in the entry; in
April
the publisher laid off a small number of employees that spokesperson Lindsey Nobles
described only as "a single digit percentage of our workforce." These
cuts, which Hyatt said he was hoping he wouldn't have to make--he wrote
that "as recently as September 19, I assured our employees that we were
not planning another reduction in our workforce"--were impossible to avoid
given the sales reports from September and October.
S&S
Cuts 35 Jobs
Publishers
Weekly In
what has to be one of the grimmest days in publishing in recent years,
Simon & Schuster announced today that it has eliminated 35 positions.
According to a memo from CEO Carolyn Reidy, the cuts came in all areas of
the company, including S&S's publishing divisions, operations and
sales departments and international division. Reidy said that despite its
best efforts to find ways to cut costs, the job eliminations were "an
unavoidable acknowledgment of the current bookselling marketplace and what
may very well be a prolonged period of economic instability."
Early in
the day, S&S announced that the head of its children's group, Rick
Richter will leave the company at the end of the week. PW has since
learned that Rubin Pfeffer, senior v-p and publisher of the children's
group is also departing. Pfeffer joined S&S in 2005. He had been
senior v-p and chief creative officer at Pearson Education, and before
that spent 26 years with Harcourt Brace Jovanovich.
[Five Down to
Three] Random Drops the Next Shoe: Rubin
and Applebaum Stepping Down in Reorg The first part of the Random
House reorganization everyone has been expecting under new ceo Markus
Dohle was announced this morning. President and publisher of the Bantam
Dell group Irwyn Applebaum is leaving the company immediately after 25
years there. Dohle calls him "one of the most successful publishers in our
industry. He is widely regarded as a champion of great storytelling, with
marketing acumen to match." The publishing line itself is being absorbed
by the Random House group, under Gina Centrello, along with the Spiegel
& Grau unit that had been part of Doubleday. It puts the company's two
big mass-market lines together in the same division, though Dohle says
that they will "continue to have separate editorial
departments."
HMH Officially Has No Idea What
They Mean
Houghton Mifflin Harcourt's
botched public expression of their current acquisitions policy has reached
comic levels. In the latest installment, vp of communications Josef
Blumenfeld confirmed for the AP our report from an agent that the
children's trade division is still buying projects. Otto Penzler adds that
the freeze was news to him, and says that a "high-level Houghton
executive" told him he could continue to acquire for his line of
mysteries. "'Does this mean I can keep buying books?'" he asked.
"'Absolutely,' I was told." Report: Houghton
Mifflin Harcourt Owners Might Never Restart Its Engines; Parent Company
Open to
by The New
York Times interviewd Jeremy Dickens,
president of Education Media and Publishing Group, the holding company
that owns struggling publishing house Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. In the
interview Mr. Dickens reveals that lifting the temporary freeze on trade
acquisition that was reported Monday by Publishers
Weekly might be a matter of "if" and not
"when," and that the company would consider selling off its trade
operation if the right offer was extended. "We have plenty of titles in
the pipeline that will be coming out next year and we will continue to
evaluate opportunities if and when we decide to lift the freeze," Mr.
Dickens tells the piece's author, Motoko Rich. "If there's a transaction
that makes sense for all of our stakeholders, we'll consider it."
Mr. Dickens said Education
Media is $7 billion in debt and paying about $500 million annually in debt
service. He said the company had plenty of money with which to pay that
down, but that the trade publishing business-which according to The Times represents 5.5 percent of
the company's revenues-is not as high a priority as it once
was. The Times piece draws a comparison
between the pitiful state of things at Houghton with the relative
prosperity at French-owned Hachette Book Group, where employees not only
are allowed to acquire books but also received bonuses this year.
You can read more on how
Hachette, and its C.E.O. David Young, came to be clobbering their
competition so thoroughly here. Agents
Opine on Saletan's Departure By
Rachel Deahl -- Publishers Weekly A
surprise, if not an all-out bombshell, is how agents described the
news that Becky Saletan was leaving her post as publisher and
v-p of Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. HMH spokesperson Josef Blumenfeld,
who confirmed on Tuesday that Saletan had resigned, would not
comment on whether HMH is actively looking to replace Saletan, whose last
day is Dec.10.
With
little information available about how and why Saletan left--her departure
comes on the heels of what many agents said was the real bombshell, the
news, which surfaced last week, that HMH had put a freeze
on acquisitions for its adult division--many in the business are
wondering, and worrying, about the future of HMH.
Another agent,
who described Saletan as "forthright and principled," said
the timing was particularly unfortunate since, just before the acquisition
freeze surfaced, HMH had hosted an open house on October
29 to formally introduce the newly merged publisher to
agents.
At
the open house, Saletan welcomed submissions and, the agent
assumed, must therefore not have known what the corporate
mandate was (or soon would be). "There could be a sense of
betrayal... when you're the public face of a company and you invite
people to submit and then have something like that come down from above.
It must have been very upsetting to her."
Another
agent, who agreed that the situation must have been upsetting for Saletan,
said she sees this as more than an issue of professional pride. "I'm
sure [Saletan] was upset, but for her to leave such a wonderful publishing
house and wonderful job, things had to have gotten fairly
ugly."
Still
others floated the idea that Saletan took the fall for
the leak about the acquisitions freeze.
"It
doesn't seem like they're particularly committed to keeping it
running," said one agent, referring to HMH's trade division. But
another agent scoffed at this notion: "I don't think [what's happening
there] is an impending sign of a sale--it's too venerable a company." That
same agent said she thinks the acqusition freeze will soon thaw and that
she would still send a big book to the house. Augsburg
Fortress, the publishing arm of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America based in
Minneapolis, announced last month it would end its consumer book
publishing line to focus on publishing for congregations and higher
education. The Christian Century shares details, which include the
elimination of 55 jobs and the closing of nine bookstores in the
No More Kindles for Christmas
Amazon is sold out of Kindles and
is saying that it will take "11 to 13 weeks" to ship new orders. A notice
on the site says, "Due to heavy customer demand, Kindle is sold
out."
Celtic's the Hot Ticket UNDERDOG PRESS needs your support to publish great work that needs a home. Please visit us at www.underdogpress.com today and pre-order Sheryl Brennan's Celtic Sacrifice in Trade Paperback.
Editors At Random House Audio,
Rebecca Waugh has been promoted to senior acquisitions
editor for Listening Library. Agents Julia Churchill is joining the Greenhouse
Literary Agency. She was an agent with the Darley Anderson Agency,
specializing in children's fiction. Please e-mail your contest info in a format I can cut and paste to: kmortimer@mortimerliterary.com. Type: "Contest" in the subject line. Thanks! Last call for
Entries
for the LA Comedy Shorts Festival, and LA Comedy Scripts
Competition!
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